Monday, March 13, 2006

Dear God, Please Help Me Lose This Weight

Hello blog world...I feel like I have been away so long. I've posted only three times (prior to this one) and I'm already hooked. I wasn't able to post last night because I was dog tired from this crazy part time job. This job is not only psychologically painful, but it's now become physically painful (more to come on that in just a sec). So my fatigue, coupled with excruciating pain, caused me to skip out on posting. BUT...I must admit that I did try to post...but for some reason I was having trouble with the site taking FOREVER to load. All the other sites I went to worked just fine, but not this one. Funny how God speaks to much as I WANTED to journal my thoughts, I NEEDED to rest (my body does not handle stress well AT ALL...I'm sure I'll tell you all about that some other time).

ANY WHO...back to the topic of this evenings post. My's out of control. Now I'll be the first to say that - my weight being out of control - is in relative terms because I'm sure I would be called skinny by many a women in the world today. Weeeeeelllll, maybe not skinny - but you get what I'm saying. I'm what most brothas call "thick" - so culturally, I'm straight. My feet, however, think otherwise.

Okay so working this retail job causes me to be on my feet...all day long. I've worked 8 hour shifts the past three days. Now, normally, that wouldn't be a big deal. But keep in mind that my "normal" is having an office, with a desk, which would require me to have a chair...that I could SIT in all day. I'm not used to this kind of labor...and I've recently discovered that my body isn't in shape for it either.

I already have ZERO arch and my feet turn slightly inward. So while the bottom of the majority of the world's feet is what is usually resting on the ground when they walk and/or stand...I'm also walking/standing on the inside of my foot. This is fine for your average, every day walking...but NOT for being on my feet for 8 hours. For the past two nights I have come home and ace bandaged ice packs to the part of my foot where the arch is SUPPOSED to be. This area has become swollen, red and quite sore to the slightest touch. Not cool at all!

I am convinced that my situation would not be as bad if I wasn't carrying around extra weight. I've gotten too heavy for my own feet...who would have ever thought that possible! It's my own fault for not heeding the warning of every pair of my jeans (except for one), as well as the rest of my cute clothes - they told me (at least ) a year ago that I was headed down the ugly road. But I was so caught up with marital drama and being 3000 miles away from my family & friends - that I really didn't care to listen. Sorry guys.

BUT now I do care and I am listening!! Both for health reasons and superficial reasons. The health reasons being the one described above, in addition to heart disease running in my family. The superficial reason is that in exactly 2 1/2 months I will be officially back on the market!!! WOO-HOO!!! This is when I will be able to file for a "limited divorce" in the state of Maryland (which is the same as a legal seperation in most other states...I won't even go into how the state of Maryland makes you jump through hoops to dissolve your marriage). So, I want to look my best when I do finally meet the REAL Mr. Right for Me (I don't believe in a Mr. Right *period*...meaning the punctuation mark). More importantly, I want to feel good about me for me. Although I'm not totally dissatisfied with what stares back at me in the mirror (and I'm not lacking compliments and/or cat calls), I could be much happier.

I've lost weight quite successfully before, so I know that I'm capable of doing it. It may take a bit longer now that I've hit 30, but it will happen. I'm too young to be in this much pain over an 8 hour a day retail job. My body is trying to tell me something and I'm hearing it LOUD and CLEAR!

Y'all pray for me though...cause a sistah is in LOOOOOOOOOOVE with everything carbohydrate. But, I've come to realize that I'm much more in love with living another 70 some odd minimum.

So good night cheese danish, toast & butter, donuts, french fries and cupcakes...I'll see you in my sweet dreams!

PS. Shout out and thanks to Laa Laa, TTD, Kween and Insanelysane for commenting on my means a lot to me ladies and I sure do appreciate it!
Once I learn how to, y'all will the the first that I add to my blog roll :o)


At 9:50 AM, Blogger LUVIN ME said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog.

Weight is funny. It is the one thing that sticks to you no matter how hard you try to "GIVE' it away. If only we could get men to act that way!

I hope things getter better for you in that aspect, and good luck on the divorce issue. I know what it feels like to get away ...for good!

At 9:51 AM, Blogger Lāā said...

I feel you on the losing weight thing. I'm considered thick too (I guess) but I have flat feet and it hurts for me to stand for long periods of time in flat shoes. I guess that's why I don't really own any. Spring is right around the corner and summer too, so we have to be prepared.

At 12:19 AM, Blogger Darbs said...

Thanks Ladies...nice to know that I'm not alone in the weight stuggle.

Thanks for the encouragement on the divorce front Luvin...I know you understand my current state.

At 1:03 PM, Blogger TTD said...

im w/ u on the losing weight thing.. im not huge and a lot of my friends SAY i look fine.. but i dont think i look fine.. i dont like how my club/cute clothes look on me & i'd be damned if i go up in pants size!

good luck! and wish me luck as well..

and BTW.. im in baltimore.. MD has a lot of CRAZY laws!

At 5:04 PM, Blogger Darbs said...

Good luck TTD...we're gonna do it!


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