I Really Need This...

First things first...I'm a virgin to the blog world (clearly, since this is my first entry). I'm still not exactly sure that I know how this all works, but I've been told that this is a place where I can put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and vent...or shall I say "share" (evidenced by blog title, I'm on my journey back to a happier place...I think "share" sounds a bit more positive than "vent" - don't you?)

Speaking of you...who is "you" really? I mean...is there anyone actually reading this? I guess in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter if it's helping me become a better me, right? But if "you" do chose to stop by...I hope that I can make you laugh. Or cry. Or think. Or question.

Or feel...something.

Silly me, I'm sorry! Please allow me to introduce myself: I am an African American female living about 15 minutes outside of Washington, DC. As a child, my mother believed me to be an angel living on earth. I excelled academically, volunteered in my community on a very regular basis, was involved in a number of extracurricular activities, was pretty popular, was President of my senior class in high school, graduated from a prestigious university with honors and landed my first job with a very reputable media company in New York City one month after graduation.

Fast forward 8 years: I am now 30 years old (which I truly view as a blessing rather than a curse). Within the past eight years, I moved from DC (where I went to school) back to Jersey (home), from Jersey to Los Angeles (big mistake...or "life lesson"...must think positive) and from Los Angeles back to the DC area (where I've always belonged). During this time I married a man who I thought was my friend. After 2 1/2 years of marriage, I'm now divorcing a man that I thought was my friend. Do friends really make the best lovers? Not in this case...but I still remain hopeful.

In retrospect, I wonder if he and I ever really were friends. Friends don't do the kinds of things he did to me. Friends don't say the kinds of things he said to me. And, furthermore, I wouldn't dare reciprocate any of those things back to anyone that was truly my friend. And I did...so I wonder....

Now, here I am...as raw as they come. I'm out of work (well, not really), I have bills that continue to come in, I've moved out of my apartment (kind of) and am living with friends, my soon-to-be-ex-husband is the "owner" of my car (so I'm not sure how long I'll have that), I haven't been on an interview in over a month, I barely have a pot to p*ss in and we already know I don't have a window to throw it out of, I'm depressed, I'm broken, I'm angry, I feel cheated, I'm disappointed, I've been changed to a person unrecognizable by my closest of friends. Yet, considering all of that, I feel that there is a perfect plan for my life and that I am not experiencing any of this in vain.

But how did a person who seemed to have it all...all the opportunities, all of the drive, all of the luck, all of the brains...how did she get here?

Well folks, that's what we are going to figure out...together (once you stumble across my blog).

Don't get me wrong, I do not intend for this blog to be tear stained pages (or screens) of angry epithets about how much I hate "him"...nor do I intend to whine, bitch and moan about how miserable my life is. Operative word being "intend." I suppose that at times, that's just what this will be. But in the interim, I hope to entertain, enlighten and engage you...trusting that some day "you" will stop by to visit with me. But should you not, I will at least have a record of my metamorphosis.

The truth of the matter is that I want to be happy again. I want to feel alive again. I want the real me back...the me I was before all of "this" happened. But I realize that this isn't going to happen over night...that it is going to be a process filled with peaks and valleys.

Today, I just wanted to introduce myself and to welcome you. So, hello and welcome...welcome to my Journey Back to Joy...I hope you enjoy the ride!

Blessings!