Speak To My Heart

Decisions, decisions...

Those of you who read my last post were made aware of the job that I interviewed for last week. With my renewed spirit and focus, I have been praying and believing like I never have before. And I want to thank all of you, from the bottom of my heart, who have added me to your prayer lists. What I have been reminded of when it comes to prayer, however, is that you have to be still and listen closely for the answer...especially since it may not come in the form of what you want, but rather what you need.

I have been of the belief that the position for which I have been praying, is - for now - my "dream situation." Beautiful offices, prime DC location that is metro accessible, lots of young employees that look like me, the type of role/responsiblity/experience that I have been looking for and the possiblity of exciting and eventful perks.

This belief remained as such until yesterday.

Earlier this year I hooked up with a local staffing agency that proved to be subpar, at best. I would receive calls about opportunities, request that my resume be sent and then...nothing. No follow up, no feedback, no interviews...nada! Well, a change came last week when I was finally emailed an opportunity which produced an interview that took place yesterday afternoon. The position is Conference & Events Associate for a fairly large trade association, and one with which I am familiar.

I was under the impression, based on the information provided to me by the staffing agency, that this was a temp-to-hire position. However, during my interview (that went extremely well) I learned that it is a permanent position that they are eagerly looking to fill. When our meeting concluded, they (the VP of Operations and the Director of Meetings) told me they would email me a link to the McQuaig Word Survey (personality/professional profile survey) that would need to be completed as a part of the interview process. I completed said survey this morning. Thirty minutes later I received a call from the employer requesting a second interview tomorrow morning.

All good, right? Weeelllll...kinda.

From the time I left the interview yesterday afternoon until ending a conversation with one of my sister-girlfriends two hours ago, I had been wrestling with the idea of having to make a choice, more specfically, potentially making the wrong choice. On one hand, I have my first choice - the "assumed dream job" that I described above. On the other, a position that is of great interest to me and that could very well have been my "first choice" if there was no interview last week.

After the "oh Lawd why me's" and the "why can't things just be easy's" - I realized that it was a blessing to even be in this situation. Not to mention the fact that I haven't been offered either position yet...so why create a problem where no problem exists...yet. Right? Right.....IF I wasn't such a worry wort! So...in preparing to make a decision, I had to weigh my potential options and ask that the Spirit speak to my heart.

In an attempt to make a more informed decision, I decided to send an email to the HR Director of the first job letting her know that I was interviewing with another company and thought I might be offered a position...try to find out if they were still expecting a 6 week selection process and if she thought I had a chance of being called back for a second interview. While I waited for her response it dawned on me...I'm losing focus. I'm beginning to "sweat the small stuff" to the point that I'm missing the big picture. I could totally be blocking a blessing!

Let's consider the attributes of the first job that I metioned at the beginning of my post and take what is really important into consideration, shall we:

* Beautiful offices: all that glitters ain't gold and it would be foolish to let exposed brick walls, hard wood floors and funky paint determine my professional future.

* Location: can you really go wrong with any location in downtown DC? Both are metro accessible (one block from the station) AND the second job's location doesn't require me to transfer trains.

* Staff: although it would be nice to work with people that are my age and that look like me, the truth is I have a gang of friends in the area - so it's not like I need to make friends. I want to learn and grow professionally...and the transfer of knowledge knows not of age, race, gender, religion, sexuality...you get the point.

* Roles/Responsiblities/Experience: since I'm transisitioning my career, both positions are on even playing grounds. One has the potential of helping me, primarily, hone in on my writing skills - while the other, my coordinating/event marketing skills. Either way, I'm building upon my resume.

* Perks: job option one, the perks are assumed. Job option two, a couple are known: 1) getting the week between Christmas and New Year off and 2) the biggest conference of the year is held in February and this year? It's in VEGAS! (Ironically, one of my previous employers sent me to one of their conferences and it was at Disneyworld...so it seems like the conference locations are pretty darn decent).

But more important than ALLLLLLLof that, let's consider my PRAYER! My prayer was to work again...to be able to explore a new career path...to be placed back on the road of financial independence...to be offered a job that I would like...and one that would allow me to stay in the city that I love. That THY will be done...not MY will be done. What I failed to realize is that the first opportunity could very well be MY will...and the flesh is full of error and imperfection, but the Spirit is perfect!

I believe there is a reason why an interview where a decision might not be made until 2007 was, within just a few days, followed up by an opportunity that is an immediate answer to my prayer!

I can't say for sure how this will all play out in the end. It could end up being a test of my obedience...or it could simply be preparing me for a totally different opportunity. I won't know until I know. But what has been made perfectly clear is that I made a request that my heart be spoken to...and I have received answers that I desired.

I pray, now, that my steps be ordered...