Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Peaks and Valleys

Just when everything seems to be going my way...BAM...I'm hit with the reality of "the valley."

When last I posted, I was riding a high. I'm trying not to lose sight of the positivity that has been circling 'round about me, but when I slide into a valley, it's kinda hard to remember the good times.

The day after my promotion was announced I received a call from my Mom. It was one of "those" calls...the calls that make your phone ring a little bit different than usual. She told me that one of my childhood friends had lost his battle with sickle cell. I couldn't even cry...I was...tired. Tired of death...and of sadness. I eventually shared this news with a co-worker of mine and apparently I have experienced more death than the every day Joe - she has only been to one funeral in her 35 years of life (this is something that I hear from quite a few people when death happens to be the topic of discussion) and she has four years on me! Me? I've lost count. And when I say I've lost count, I don't mean of the funerals for "this woman/man I used to know once." No, I'm talking very close relatives and friends...from my father to my first boyfriend...from AIDS to murder. And no matter how much death I have doesn't get any easier. REST IN PEACE TYE...your kind and faithful spirit will be missed!

Soon after that I made a mistake at work. One which, when looking at the big picture, shouldn't make you or break you. Clearly my boss thinks otherwise, having subjected me to the silent treatment for the past three days and counting. How unbelievably immature and unprofessional is that? I heard through the office grapevine that she had this "way" about her, but I never thought I would see it...atleast not this soon after I started and so soon after my promotion. The fact of the matter is that the mistake wasn't even all my fault - I truly believe that because of my having "risen to the challenge" of conquering a HUGE undertaking when I first started, people have forgotten that I haven't even been employed with my organization for 6 months yet! They have forgotten that I have never done most of the tasks to which I have been assigned...they have taken for granted my being able to pick most things up rather quickly, and haven't realized that no one really takes the time to sit down and thoroughly explain any project or effectively communicate deadlines. Everything needs to be done yesterday, so I'm left to fend for myself. And usually I'm able to do so with no problem or incident - but not always because, let's face it, I'm human! But the one thing that they can never say I don't do is acknowledge, apologize, accept and address. Acknowledge my mistake. Apologize for any problems that I caused. Accept responsibility. Address the problem and fix it. Obviously that just isn't enough. And what makes matters worse is that my boss is often times the culprit of many a mistake...but she'll be the first one to throw you under the bus for fear of someone thinking that she is incompetent.

I'm trying to seperate the professional from the personal, however. Personally, she is a great person - she sent me flowers after our annual convention...she sent me an assortment of Neuske's meat after we had a discussion about my never having tasted or heard of it...and had nothing but wonderful things to say about me and my work ethic when she announced my promotion. Professionally speaking, though, it's a totally different ball game!

This is a prime example of "your only as good as your last mistake." And what frustrates me most of all is that I cannot afford (literally and figuratively) to have anyone second guessing me...I need this job (I highly doubt that it's on the line)...and I need for it to be as stress free as possible (I heard that snicker!) top it all off the iPod Nano, that I have been anxiously awaiting, finally arrived yesterday night and I discovered that I ordered a refurbished Nano...not a new one. my computer is acting crazy and won't allow me to download iTunes (I think some application was mysteriously uninstalled or I have a virus of some sort). I had been considering doing away with my desktop and getting a laptop - but I really don't want to incur that expense right now. Looks like my iPod will be going back to iLand. I have no patience for technology...I need things to easy when it comes to that department.

Through it all, I'm bobbin' and weavin', but I honestly don't know how many more blows I can take. Seems as though I was getting a little bit too comfortable with the peace and positivity. I guess every once in a while reality has to bite!

Moscato please...and make it a double!


At 6:45 AM, Blogger African girl, American world said...

Life, the beautiful struggle.
RIP to your friend. I have become desensitized to death...way too many deaths man.
And boss lady is known for being moody so don't take so personal L, let her be moody. Watch she gon come into the office one day and be back to normal again.
Now you know, right?
sorry bout the ipod....can one of your tech sazzy friends come try and figure this out for you?

At 10:33 AM, Blogger Soulfull said...

Hey Darbs! I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been feeling quite sadden my recent events in my life as well. Not to mention, my iPod is on the fitz too. Take care sis and you are definitely in my prayers!

At 1:55 PM, Blogger TDJ said...

Sorry to hear that you lost your old friend. May he rest in peace.

Try to keep your outlook positive at work. Mistakes happen. Unfortunately, most people and organization notice and magnify the little things.

At 2:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dont know if I've ever commented, but I love reading your blog! Much condolences to you for your friend. And you job: if i didn't know any better, I'd think you worked @ the lawfirm with me where everyone pretends like mistakes are cool in the beginning, but come review time, they're served to you on a plate. AND forget admitting, acknowledging & owning up to your mistakes because usually, your back-stabbing boss has already blamed it on you! (LOL!) Remember this: And this, too, shall pass. It stings a little, but keep on going! ~ T.K. in Ohio

At 6:32 PM, Blogger Darbs said...

@Mwabi: Yeah, she is known to be moody...but I don't think that she knows that is "office knowledge" - already everything is back to normal, but it didn't happen as easily as you might have though (wish it did though). I really only have one tech sazzy friend and he's on EVERYBODY's speed dial, so I try to limit my requests...especially when it's a non emergency. Ah well...

@Soulfull: Sorry to hear about your moment in the valley...we'll both be better by and by, right? My prayers are with you as well!

@TDJ: I so wish I could break that stupid magnifying glass - LOL. Thanks for the support!

@TK: Awww...thanks for reading my blog. It's still weird to know that people actually enjoy reading what I have to say. I guess that's what happens when your honest and real...people can relate. It's comforting to know that you feel my pain and LOL @ the "backstabbing boss" - ain't that the truth!

@Everyone: Thank you so much for your condolences and kind always, it means so much!

At 3:21 PM, Blogger J said...

I just found your blog and have only read a couple of your entries but I am hooked. We have so much in common. I do apologize for your loss. Death is NEVER an easy part of life. I just experienced my first funeral not long ago.

Regarding your recent post about work you have the right attitude (like you didnt know lol) so dont let this break you. You appear to be such a strong young lady. All I can say to that is remember this: God does not put more on us that we can bear. So he has that much faith in you and your abilities...Pray. Your human but you also have to remember who your Father is. He's got you when you are feelin beat down.

Stay up sista!!!

At 7:07 AM, Blogger Darbs said...

@J: Thanks for visiting my blog. I'm glad you're enjoying it. And thank you for all of the words of encouragement. You can never get enough of that! I'm so sorry about your recent loss...Blessings!

At 9:22 PM, Blogger Carmen said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 2:28 PM, Anonymous Safa said...

It seems like I've had sooooo many more personal deaths than most of my friends. My husband is 38 and only experienced 1 dealth in his family....unbelievable!. My best friend has never been to a funeral!!

I feel like I just wait for the phone to ring...

At 9:39 PM, Blogger Darbs said...

@Safa: Unfortunately, I totally understand. Thanks for visiting the site!


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