How Sweet It This?

I Carry Your Heart With Me (I Carry it in My Heart)

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever
 is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
And whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

by. e. e. cummings

Wow.

Cultivation v. Cash

Doubt, although usually negative, is an extremely powerful thing. I'm praying for clarity and I almost have it, but I thought I would share and open up the floor for feedback from my Blog fam...

Yesterday, I had an interview with a small, independent cable network in DC. The ENTIRE process was smooth, effortless and enjoyable...from the moment I received the call on Thursday to set up the interview, until the minute I walked out of the interview on Friday morning. It all went so very well...let me give you a bit more detail:

* When I received the call late Thursday afternoon requesting a meeting for the NEXT morning, I was a bit apprehensive. Usually I like to give myself, atleast, 24 hours to prepare. In addition, I was scheduled to work my part time job and Lawd knows I need the money. BUT...something told me to just go with it. Take the interview and make it work...and that's just what I did.

* I got my suit and things ready the night before...I was worried about the fit cause it's been a minute since I've had to don my business gear. BUT...everything fit very nicely and I was doin' the damn thang if I do say so myself.

* For those of you who live or know anything about the Metro DC area, you know that getting into the District during the rush hours ain't nothin' nice. I left the house with an hour to spare, but I was still a bit worried about traffic and finding parking. Well...traffic was non-existent and parking was a breeze. I found metered parking directly infront of the building (note for future reference: I put in enough change to get me an hour's worth of parking having been told that the interview would be approximately 30 minutes).

* I arrived in the lobby with 15 minutes to spare. When the VP of Marketing came out to get me, she was a sistah (which never guarantees anything, but is always a pleasure) and...she was wearing jeans (YES!!! A business casual/casual work environment is a HUGE win for me).

* The interview was oh so comfortable. She ran down the responsibilities, what she is looking for and how she likes to work. She gave me her background (which is a carbon copy of mine) and we talked a bit about my experience and where I was trying to go with my career. She mentioned that they have another Howard grad working for the company and how well she has done for herself (that, having a fellow Howard grad as a co-worker, is also a comforting thing for me).

After we took care of all the "business" stuff...we chit chatted...like old girlfriends. The conversation went all over the place...from places we've lived, family background, college and life in general. THEN...she said it...what almost sealed the deal for me...the subject of our conversation at that moment led her to say..."this was ordained...I believe that...I believe that you were supposed to be here at this time...we were supposed to meet...and I'm glad that we did." I almost fell off my chair! I had told her nothing of how easily everything happened surrounding my interview with her...yet she confirmed that "everything happens for a reason."

* She agreed, like so many other potential employers have, that I was overqualified for the position. However, understanding that I was "redirecting" my career in a sense, she didn't dismiss me like so many other people have in the past. The fact is that I have a ton of sales experience, but I don't have a lot of the "traditional" marketing experience that I need to land a position that will pay me, off the cuff, what I have been making the past. I accept that, and understand that...thankfully, so does she. She also mentioned that in the sales/marketing field, you have to ALWAYS keep your ears and eyes open for the next big opportunity...she does, everyone she knows does...as do I. I welcomed her acknowledgement of this truth...it was almost like that was HER way of letting ME know that SHE knew that this would probably just be a "jump off" point for me.

* Having said all of that, I finally arrive at the point of contention...MONEY. With the money that they are offering, I would be faced with a pretty significant pay cut. Even though I expected this, I still wasn't ready for it...or maybe not ready for it being as substantial as it is. HOWEVER...I can't help but to keep thinking that the knowledge that I'll gain from the position - but more than that from HER (she would be an awesome mentor) - is more valuable than being able to maintain the lifestyle that I had in the past (not that it was THAT extravagant in the first place, but you know what I mean). The bottom line is that with the money that I would make with this company, plus the change that I would make from my part time job on the weekend (I would keep the retail gig for as long as I could stand it), plus the money that I bring in from time to time selling my "jew-elles"...I could make it work. I would have to become a better manager of my money, this is true...but what is even more true is that people make it work with A LOT less.

* Now here's the icing on the cake y'all...remember I told you that I had about an hour in the parking meter? Well, the interview went over that by an hour and for those of you who don't know...DC cops/metermaids DO. NOT. PLAY! I was certain that I was going have a nice little ticket on my windshield to ruin my otherwise perfect day. Can you guess what I found when I got back to my car? N-O-T-H-I-N-G!!!! A blinking, expired meter and NO TICKET! If that ain't God, I don't know what is! I happily went on to my part time job and arrived only having missed 2 hours of my 8 hour shift!

So that was my interview experience and I bet many of you are wondering, "what's the problem?" Right? Well...I just can't help wondering what could be as it relates to the money. What could be if I hold out a bit longer. What could be if I wait to see what my godfather's contacts come up with (cause this wasn't one of them). What could be if this doesn't prove to be enough money for me to "make it."

As right as everything else seems, this contemplation is very real. And necessary...I think.

I have a couple things that I need to do for her over the weekend...add some internships back onto my resume that she insists should be there and create a PowerPoint presentation. Then, she wants me to come back next week to meet with her boss and the Howard grad (which will have to take place on Tuesday or Wednesday, given my schedule). So I have a bit of time to think...and to consider any advice/suggestions that you all may have for me.

At the end of the day, I am thankful to be in this position...THIS, I know for sure!

This Just In...

News Flash: I'm still here!!!

When I looked at the date of my last post, it shocked even me. Time sure does fly...even when your standing still...or trying to stand still.

It's kinda late, I'm a bit tired and I need to get up at like 5AM tomorrow morning...BUT...I could not go another day without posting. So...here's just a quick snapshot of what has been going on with me during my "sablogoical" (have I told you lately how corny I am?):

* Still lovin' my hair although it doesn't seem to be going over so well with the male species. But that's okay...maybe this hair is exactly what I needed to weed out the riffraff.

* Still selling my jewelry...still in shock that it's being bought...who would have thunk it?

* My family finally figured out that I'm not working a full time job. I had been keeping it from them because I just didn't need all the questions, unsolicited advice/opinions/judgements or harrassment. Seems as though I didn't give my family enough credit and/or they are finally understanding that when I don't want to talk about something, I don't want to talk about it. Even though the inital conversation with my Mother was a bit uncomfortable, they have been pretty respectful of my wishes. Let's see how long that lasts...

* I got in contact with my "godfather" of sorts and he has put me in contact with some people in DC that he knows/used to work with. Seems like I might be getting some legitimate interviews in the very near future...please continue to pray for me/think good thoughts for me...I'll keep you posted.

* I'm currently diggin' the following artist: Corinne Bailey Rae

* I'm currently diggin' the following songs for many different reasons: "Happy" by Meleni Smith, "Margarita" by Sleepy Brown featuring Pharrell & Big Boi, "Entourage" by Omarion, "Like A Star" by Corinne Bailey Rae...and there's a couple more on my list but it's too late for me to remember them all.

* A 22 year old guy has been flirting with me for the past couple weeks now...it makes me giggle whenever I think about it. And although this is WAY too big of an age difference for me in the wrong direction (ie. younger instead of older), I have to admit it is SUPER flattering and I'm realizing that these young dudes have more game then they used to when I was 22. WOW!

* Still going through divorce BS and emotional highs and lows. I CANNOT wait until this is all over...trust that you will be hearing me say that until it finally is over! I apologize in advance.

* I DO have pics of the new hair, but I'm having difficulty with sizing them...they're WAY too small the way they are now and I don't know how to increase their size (if they even can be).

* My prayer of late, along with my consistent prayer of thanksgiving, has been for a kinder and sweeter spirit. Anger, frustration, confusion and anxiety have taken residence in my spirit causing me to be "not-so-nice" more often than I would like..and it's eviction time!!! If you are the praying type, please add me to your list.

* I'm slowly catching up on the goings on in the lives of my blog family. I know my comments have been few and far between, but the love is still there and ALWAYS will be. I'm reading you even when you think I'm not. I'll be back on the comment scene before you know it.

I'm sure I'm leaving a thing or two out...but that's about the long and short of my recent days.

Thanks for the constant love, support and concern...it is appreciated much more than you will ever know!

Stay tuned cause I ain't goin' nowhere!!!