New York State of Mind

Okay...first...the jewelry is done AND photographed! The sets turned out beautifully, if I do say so myself, and my friend was MORE than pleased. BUT...I won't be able to post the pics for a minute, as I want to go through the photos to determine which I'm going to post. I would do it now, but I have packing to do for the long weekend.

I've decided to make my way back to New York (update: my sister and I are back on speaking terms after having a long heart-to-heart). Although I would much rather be lying on a white sand beach with a tropical cocktail in the Caribbean (like my jewelry...the wedding is in St. Thomas), I am very much looking forward to this trip. VERY much.

Instead of going straight to my sister's in Westchester, I'm actually going to be spending some highly anticipated time with friends in the city - some old, some new. This is something that I always say that I'm going to do when I visit my sister - but once I get to Westchester, I'm trapped. So, to make certain that this won't be the case, I've decided to head straight into the city...to see what I can get into...what beautiful suprises await me. New York has an invigorating rhythm...it excites me...makes me high...causes me to throw caution to the wind and. just. live!

I wish you all a WONDERFUL holiday weekend. Please be safe and have fun! I'll probably be back in Maryland on Monday, maybe Tuesday...but right now..."I'm in a New York state of mind..."

The Need To Bead

For those of you who have viewed my profile, you know that I have "making jewelry" listed as one of my interests. Jewelry making became a hobby of mine when I moved back to the East Coast last year. One day, when I was overcome with boredom (and I'm sure getting on my best friend's nerves), my friend suggested that I make a necklace. She had dabbled in jewelry making over the years, so she had lots of supplies to keep me occupied. I had nothing else to do, so I decided to give it a try...I immediately discovered a new love and a hidden talent.

Many trips to the bead store later (having spent nauseating amounts of money), I was hooked. I found beading to be very therapeutic. I was in my own world. Creating beautiful works of...art, really. Before I knew it, I had an array of beads/crystals/charms/clasps in all shapes, sizes and colors and a bin full of custom made necklaces. I hadn't even thought about what I was going to do with them all!

As I began wearing some of my pieces and sharing my new found hobby with friends, the response and reaction that I received was alarming. I was encouraged to begin selling my pieces...start a business even. Strangely enough, I was a bit apprehensive about "letting go" of something into which I had put my heart and soul...accepting money for something that came so easy to me that I felt anyone could do it.

I ended up giving away a couple of necklaces before I actually sold one. My first sale went to a very good friend of mine who purchased them to give away as Christmas gifts. I was told they went over well. That same friend, for Christmas, gave me the most special gift that I think I have ever received...she had about 200 business cards printed up for me and in the box was an article that she tore out of a magazine about a woman who had started her jewelry business after divorcing her husband and finding herself financially strapped, and in a bit of a depression. That gift meant the world to me...it showed me just how much my friend believed in me. I still get chills and teary eyed when I think about it.

After the drama resurfaced in my "marriage," I lost my mojo...lost my desire to create as a result of my lack of inspiration. From time to time I would go through my bead collection...desperate for something to click...to bring back the joy that it had once given me. (cue cricket soundtrack) Nothing.

Well folks, as I gain stride on my journey back to joy, I have fallen in love again!

I have been commissioned, by my gift giving friend's sister, to make the bridesmaid's jewelry for a wedding she is in at the end of the month. Soooo...to make a story, that I never intended to be this long, short - I am beading my little heart out and will be back as soon as I'm through...which is going to HAVE to be in the next couple of days as the wedding is right around the corner. If I'm able to figure out how to post pics...I'll take a few to share with you.

Creativity STILL resides in me after all!

"Wandering Minds" Want To Know

Although often times cliche, I love a good quote. A quote that makes me consider something that I wouldn't have otherwise...or addresses one of life's many circumstances. The quote that has, as of late, been permeating my thoughts is one from the movie "Mona Lisa Smile." It was delivered by the movie's antagonist, Betty Warren, wonderfully played by Kirsten Dunst and is as follows:

"Not all who wander are aimless. Especially those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond the image."

For today's post, I'd like to consider that first sentence. Not. All. Who. Wander. Are. Aimless. This really hits home for me.

I have always been a wanderer. When I was about 4 years old, I wandered away from my mother during one of our day trips to Coney Island. I won't say that I was "kidnapped" but my cousin did end up finding me with a woman who would not give me back to her. My cousin had to run and get my father and...let's just say Lonnie didn't play that...NOBODY messed with his little girl!

There were more occasions, during my very young years, that I overtly demonstrated my independence - sending my mother into fits of panic. Over time, common sense and street smarts set in and my wandering took on a new form: a wandering mind. But not in the "flighty, airhead sense"...in an "I think a little about a lot of things all of the time" sense. And I'm not just talking about trival things like: what am I going to wear today or what am I going to have for dinner (although when extremely famished, that is NO trival thing). No. I'm talking some pretty major life decisions...namely, my career.

As many of you know, I am in the process of looking for a new gig. Even though I have decided to focus on a career path that I believe is perfect for me...my mind is constantly wandering. Thinking about all of the many other things that interest me...things that come natural to me...and that I happen to do quite well. Most times I like the fact that I have many interests and talents...but sometimes I wish that there was only ONE thing in the world that I did really well or that piqued my curiosity. That way, there would be no confusion as to what I should do with my life...and I would feel like I had a definitive purpose. Or atleast that's what I'm assuming (and we all know what happens when we do that...lol).

For longer than I would like, I have been more concerned with what other people think, what they want for me and what society deems as "acceptable." Disappointingly, I have to admit that for the last 7-8 years, I have followed, much more than I have led. My best friend seems to think otherwise...if she were to tell it, I dance to the beat of my own drum and could not care less about what others think. That's who I was when she first met me 12 years ago...and for about 5 or so years after that. Up until recently? I didn't know whether to move on the 2 & 4 or the 1 & 3!

HOWEVER (and here is where the significance of the quote comes in) I have discovered, after many 12 round bouts with myself, that my recent career "wanderings" have not been aimless at all! They have been very focused...focused on finding the truth...MY truth...what is going to make me happy and bring me peace REGARDLESS of what anyone else thinks, suggests or wants. Am I a wanderer? Yes. Will I always be? Maybe. But one thing I now know for sure...I certainly am NOT aimless!

And you thought movies were just for entertainment purposes...LOL!

Happy Mother's Day!

I think you all know how I feel about my Mother from this post. So, I doubt that there is a question about how grateful I am to have been blessed with my Mother. Every day of my life is Mother's day, as I don't think there is one day that goes by that I don't have a thought of her...that's just how much I love that lady! However, today I will conform to commercialism, and will be paying an extra special tribute to her life and life's work as a Mother (although I don't think I can ever top the Mother's day that she spent on "The Yard" at Howard University witnessing the graduation of her youngest daughter...me!). I love you Mom!

A special HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY goes out to all of the bloggin' Moms: Luvin' Me, LaaLaa & MzNewAgenda. Please forgive me for if there were any oversights!

For all the times that a Mother has felt her job/work/love went unnoticed, unappreciated, taken for granted, abused and/or unreciprocated...I want you to know that I noticed, I appreciated...always. I have great respect for the nurturers of, shapers of and role models for our children...our future.

Being a Mother is a huge responsibility and a great challenge...and I can only pray that your children have made it to also be a great honor!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Soundtrack of My Life

I absolutely love music...at one time I loved to play music (I'm thinking about taking up lessons again at some point during this lifetime), I love to listen to music, I love to study lyrics, I love the way music makes me move...I just l-o-v-e music!!

I've noticed lately, that no matter my mood or state of mind, there is a song that speaks to exactly what I'm going through...I've coined it as the "Soundtrack of My Life" (I probably should add "current" before "life", as it changes so much).

Since my life's current soundtrack is weighing so heavily on me, it deserves a post of its very own...

"It's Only Love That Gets You Through"
Sade

"Girl you are rich even with nothing
And you know tenderness comes from pain
It's amazing how you love
And love is kind and love can give
And get no gain.

It's down a rugged road you've come
Though you had every reason
You didn't come undone
Somehow you made it to the other side
You didn't suffer in vain.

You forgive those who have trespassed against you
And you know tenderness comes from pain
It's amazing how you love
And love is kind and love can give
And love needs no gain.

It's down a rugged road you've come
Though you had every reason
You didn't come undone
Somehow you made it to the other side
You didn't suffer in vain.

You didn't suffer in vain
You know it's only love
That gets you through
Only love, it's only love
It's only love that gets you through.

Thanks Sade...good lookin' out girl!

The Haps

"IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME. I SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT YOU..."

Gotta. Love. Eric B. and Rakim!!!

I'm back folks...and hopefully I'll be back on a more regular schedule again. Next on my agenda, after I finish this post, is catching up on the lives of my favorite people listed to the right of screen...I haven't forgotten about a single person as you all have kept me in good company throughout my journey thus far.

So here's the haps of my life since the post before last...in no particular order:

1. I spoke with a dear friend of mine recently who, sadly, is also in the midst of a divorce. She and her husband have been married for a little over five years...maybe six. Let's call her HS (bka - "Haitian Sensation") They have a four year old son, which is one of a few factors that makes her situation more complex than mine. I found out she was getting a divorce about two months ago and, unfortunately, just got around to calling to check in on her. She is a rock...I must say...and her strength and courage is contagious. Although I love and appreciate the advice of my family and friends (present company included), it was comforting to talk to someone (especially a person that I love so dearly and know so well) who I feel knows the EXACT place in which I stand. We both are gonna make it through...and make it through wiser and stronger than ever before! I shared my blogging experience with her and have encouraged her to give it a whirl...so who knows...you may be hearing from her soon!

2. I saw "him." As you know from earlier posts, I have tried my best not to see my soon-to-be-ex, communicating via e-mail, text messages and voicemail (in extreme cases) only. Trying to have a conversation with him live and in living color would be a recipe for disaster. But I was leaving the grocery store near my old apartment and I saw him from over a block away. His back was to me, but he has a very distinctive walk and I would know it from a mile away. I recognized his get up...he had been out running. What wasn't recognizable, however, was the female he was walking and chatting with. I'm not gonna lie, it stung. But not in the "I want you back" kinda way, but rather the "are you serious???" kinda way. I said a quick prayer and asked God to let the feeling roll off my back just as easily as I rolled right past him. IF they were/are "together" - he's her problem now...God bless her. But...who knows? I don't know the real/true story...and don't really care to know. It did cause me to have a nightmare though *shiver*...but only one.

3. Perfect segue...I can offically file for my "limited divorce" (which is a legal separation in most other states other than cockamamy Maryland...yeah, I said "cockamamy"). As of about a week ago, I met the requirement of being a resident of Maryland for one year. The papers have been filled out and I'm just waiting for the issues surrounding my vehicle to be settled between the two of us. I'm hoping we can get that squared away in the next couple of days so I can be one more step closer to having my life back. Pray for me y'all!

4. Having learned of hap #1 (in addition to the others), it got me thinking: There is not a single person in my generation, that I know personally, in a marriage made up of "real love...ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love" (to quote Carrie Bradshaw). Does it exist? I mean, I hate to sound like a cynic...but does it? I'm talking about "my husband and I are best friends, get chills every time we look into each others eyes, would rather argue with one another than love anyone else, won't go to bed angry, giggle like school children, put God and the other person before themselves, can't wait to see your face and feel the peace of our home after work, you know what I need even before I know I need it, I want to have your baby because our love can produce nothing short of wonderful...I want to grow old with YOU by my side" kinda love. Pleeeease...someone...tell me that it exists. Because that's what I want...it's what I pray for...it's what I deserve. In the meantime, I'll love myself like that so that I can provide the example of how I need to be loved...then Mr. Right (whoever he might end up being) can just follow suit.

Well, that about sums it up. All of the above events, and their relative thoughts...feelings...emotions, along with the ususal "day-to-days" are what rendered me blog disabled.

But, I'm back in the game...well rested and refreshed!!!

I Should Be 'Shamed...

We are going into our 7th day of May and this is my first post for the month - someone slap my hand and sit me on the naughty stool!!!

While I may have been absent from Blogland...I have not been absent from life. Meaning, I have lots of thoughts running through my mind, feelings to share, prayers to request and stories to tell. (And by no means am I implying that Blogland isn't a HUGE part of my life.)

BUUUUUUT...

I worked an 8 hour shift at my part time job AND came home to help my best friend organize/cook/host/clean for a dinner party she had for her in-laws. Great food, good company...but I's tired boss...so I'm gonna get some rest and holla at y'all in the morning (I hope).

Now..that's my excuse for tonight. The days between 4/29 and 5/6? Charge it to my head and not my heart...cause Lord knows I have been jonesin'.

Until...