Standing

Even though I was taught this lesson some time ago, sometimes I forget that there comes a time when you just have to be still. I've been trying to be in "still" mode for the past week or so...some days I've been successful, others...not so much. I know many of you have been wondering where I've been...and that means so much to me (Mwabi, you know I love you girl!). The fact that I was able to even post these lyrics and this short message is proof that I am going to make it through...not that I ever REALLY doubt that.

I've told myself that I have to ease up on posting lyrics, but these were "given" to me tonight...placed very heavily on my heart...so I had to share them with you...be encouraged!

***

STAND
by. Donnie Mcclurkin

What do you do when you've done all you can
And it seems like it's never enough
And what do you say when your friends turn away
And you're all alone
Tell me what do you give when you've given your all
And it seems like you can't make it through
Well you just stand, when there's nothing left to do
You just stand, watch the Lord see you through
Yes after you've done all you can, you just stand

Tell me how do you handle the guilt of your past
Tell me how do you deal with the shame
And how can you smile while your heart has been broken
And filled with pain filled with pain
Tell me what do you give when you've given your all
And it seems like you can't make it through
Child you just stand when there's nothing left to do
You just stand watch the Lord see you through
Yes after you've done all you can, you just stand

(Stand) and be sure (and be sure)
Be not entangled in that bondage again, you just stand
(Stand) and endure (and endure)
For God has a purpose yes God has a plan, tell me
(What do you do) When you've done all you can
And it seems like you can't make it through
Child you just...stand (stand) you just stand (stand) stand (stand)
Don't you dare give up (you just)

Through the storm (stand)
Stand through the rain (stand)
Through the hurt (stand)
Yeah through the pain (you just)

Don't you bow (stand) and don't you bend (stand)
Don't give up (stand) no don't give in (you just)
Hold on (stand) , just be strong (stand)
God will step in (stand), it won't be long no no no(you just)

After you've done all you can (after you've done all you can)
After you've done all you can (after you've done all you can)
After you've gone through the hurt (after you've done all you can)
After you've gone through the pain oh my (after you've done all you can)
After you've gone through the storm (after you've done all you can)
After you've gone through the rain (after you've done all you can)

Prayed and cried
After you've done all you can....you just ...
Stand.

***

Blessings!

Naturally Ever After

Truth be told, I never needed a relaxer in the first place. But the mixture of a single mom with very little time, a daughter with long and thick hair, coupled with the absence of a father in the house refusing to let anything be done to his daughter's hair - does not make for a good "natural" formula.

Finally many years, and a move to LA, later...I had had enough. Enough of spending ridiculous amounts of money to suffer in pain from the irritating chemicals on my extremely sensitive scalp. Enough of the damage that comes from over processing. Enough blaming my mother for ever deciding to get my hair relaxed. My hair was now in my own hands!

After moving to LA and developing a rapport with my hairdresser - I had many conversations with her about my wanting to go natural. I expressed my concerns and apprehensions about the "transitional" period, as I did not want to have to cut ALL of my hair off in order to achieve my goal. She was able to ease my mind and, when I considered the amount of trust I had in her, we began the process.

Less than a year later, my hair was completely natural and I was lovin' it! I was, however, getting my hair pressed for manageability purposes.

About six months or so ago, I decided I no longer wanted to press my hair...I wanted to sport my natural waves/curls. But in order to do this, I was going to have to get my hair cut. For one, I was going to have to get my hair cut to remove the "trained" ends of my hair...the hair that, even though no longer chemically straightened, was bone straight from years of pressing. Secondly, I hadn't had my hair cut since I moved back East and I needed my hair shaped so that my waves/curls would lay nicely (and I say "waves/curls" because I have "combination" hair...LOL).

Two days ago, I got said hair cut....and I. ABSOLUTELY. LOVE. IT! I mean, it definitely took a minute to get used to it, but now that I have I can't stop thinking about how I wish I had done it sooner! Right now I'm wearing it with a few flat twists in the front and the rest is a curly 'fro of sorts. The hairdresser cut off a significant amount, but my hair retracts a bit, so it's really longer than it actually looks. I'm going to have to play around with different products to determine which will give me what kind of look (currently I'm testing out Aveda's Be Curly and Miss Jessie's Curly Pudding)...so we shall see what fabulousness awaits me!

It's really astonishing how much a hair cut can do for your spirit. I feel...changed...in a way. And - although I totally agree with India.Arie when she proclaims: "I am not my hair" - my newly coifed hair has me feeling like the me I've been longing to be...naturally.

Some Fun Facts

The following list was sent to me via e-mail by a friend of mine. Since my mind is racing in so many different directions and I'm not sure that I can get my thoughts together, I thought I would just post this rather than nothing at all. I usually find these "fun facts" to be quite entertaining when I read ones that are similar on other people's blogs. Here is my attempt at entertaining you...

*** DARBS' FUN FACTS ***

1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RING?
Yes

2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?
5 years

3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
A CD

4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
Too many times

5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED TRUTH OR DARE?
Junior High

6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
Beads and Books

7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
Beef patty & coco bread

8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Eyes

9. SOME FAVORITE SONGS?
Way, way, way too many to name

10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
Maryland...just outside Washington, DC

11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:
Somerville High School

12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
Nextel...unfortunately

13. FAVORITE MALL STORE:
Macy's

14. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
No

15. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?
No...but I did when I was younger...before Caller ID and *69

16. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY:
My mother...definitely

17. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIENDS:
Some daily...for the couple of others, sadly, it's been months...years even.

18. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:
Roy Rogers

19. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD:
I love you

20. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
The kitchen table...their's or mine...there is nothing like the comfort of home with good food and good friends.

21. CAN YOU COOK?
Yes..I make mean fried turkey chops, baked macaroni & cheese and lasagna

22. WHERE'S 25 DOUCHE?
I have NO IDEA what this question means...am I a loser???

23. BEST KISSER:
Me :o)

24. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
On the outside...two days ago. On the inside...daily.

25. MOST DISLIKED FOODS:
Eclairs...I hate that stuff in the middle.

26. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
My heart

27. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
My weight

28. CAN YOU SING?
Sometimes

29. LAST KISS?
May 30th...so sad that I can give an exact date

30. LAST MOVIE WATCHED:
Must Love Dogs

31. ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT:
Lip Gloss

32. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT:
The Carribean

33. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:
Both...the desktop is mine, the laptop is borrowed.

34. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?:
Chris Rock

35. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
Depends

36. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?
Physically...no one In my dreams...it all depends.

37. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?
Yes...but not for long

38. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
French Toast

39. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?
Absolutely!

40. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
Scrambled hard with cheese

41. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?
Hard to say...strangely enough, it's usually pretty accurate. It's definitely entertaining.

42. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My friend "G"

43. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?:
My sister

44. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?:
"Good morning" from my first love who is now one of my very good friends.

45. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?:
Now...one. Usually...four.

46. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?:
Gauchos and a t-shirt

47. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC
See my last post

48. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?
Grape

49. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?
Yes...but I'm not THAT great.

50. CAN YOU SWIM?
Yes...I do better under than over.

51. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Breyer's Coffee

52. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?
I guess...if I'm lost.

53. TELL ME A FEW RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOURSELF:
I have two tattoos
I graduated with honors from Howard University
I am very often misunderstood

54. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON:
Autumn...cool & crisp air, sweaters, trees sprinkled with my favorite color (orange) and comfort food.

55. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?
Today

56. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ?
For good? 8AM.

57. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?
The silence right after a heavy snow fall/storm.

58. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH:
Yes...but I'm getting over it.

59. WHAT IS THE FIRST LETTER IN UR CRUSHES NAME:
I'm trying to get over it...words (and even letters) are powerful, so I plead the 5th on this one.

60. DO YOU THINK SEX IS COOL OR OVERRATED:
Depends on who it's with...but most times it's VERY cool.

61. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?
Working

62. WHAT IS YOUR BIRTHDATE?
January 26, 1976

63. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE:
At peace...Happy...and Truly Loved.

64. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:
Yes

65. ARE YOU SMILING?:
Nope

66. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW:
Without a doubt

67. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
Africa...Ethiopia to be specific

68. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?
LOL...no

69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME:
Right now I'm diggin' "Savannah"

70. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?:
Turquoise, Navy & White

71. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?:
My Alma Mater does

72. LATEST INJURY?:
Hurt feelings

73. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER:
Yes, four to be exact

74. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?:
Yes

75. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?
Yes...but not overnight

76. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE in PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?
If I'm honest...yes.

77. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?
None...I take it off as soon as I get in the house

78. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?
Catch up on some more blogs.

So...how did I do? Straightforward, I know, but hopefully atleast a wee bit interesting. And if it wasn't, just humor me...did you read #65...a sistah needs to smile...LOL!

A "Dedicated" Friend

I was checking my cell phone messages yesterday and I had a message from my BK sister-girlfriend ("BK" meaning Brooklyn for those of you not from the Tri-State area). I figured that she was calling to tell me that she sold another one of my necklaces. NOPE! It was even better than that!

She was calling to dedicate a song to me.

To paraphrase the message, this song is one that makes her think of me every time she hears it. It prompted her to pick up the phone and remind me of the great person that I am...something that she realizes that I may have forgotten...something that she says everyone else still sees (at the very least, those people that really know and love me). She suggested that I listen to this song every morning when I wake up...make it my anthem...use it for motivation...inspiration.

She's right...and I will.

The song is "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. For those of you who don't know it, it goes a little sumthin' like this...HIT IT (sorry...I just couldn't help myself...LOL):

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself with words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself with words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten...

This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear! Is there anything else to say about lyrics that relay a message such as this? I think not.

Please don't take this as bragging...but have I been blessed with wonderful friends, or what? The kind of friends that, when you stumble, know when they need to either pick you back up and push you forward, grab you by the hand and run beside you or when they need to just allow you to rest and finish the race for you. The kind of friends that, no matter how hard you try to hide it, know when you're ebbing and when you're flowing. The kind of friends that remind you that what may feel like an end, is just the beginning. The kind of friends that think you are great.

I want my friend to know that I didn't just hear her message...I listened...and I felt. I felt her concern, her support and her love. Thank you...thank you for reminding me!


With arms wide open, I am...

With Sympathy...

I write this post in honor of a very dear friend and her family who, on Sunday, lost a brother...a son...a husband...a father.

In the midst of fretting over the valleys that have been carved into my life, I received a phone call informing me that my friend's brother had died....way too young, way too soon. I immediately had a flashback...a moment of deja vu...taking me back 10 years when I received a similar phone call, relating to this same friend, announcing the death of her brother who was on that ill-fated flight that crashed into the Everglades.

Ten years. Two brothers. Two sons.

It's amazing just how quickly your personal trials and tribulations can become so insignificant...how quickly a lesson can be taught...a lesson of thanksgiving...of living in the moment and loving the life that is yours. For tomorrow, as I was reminded today, is not promised.

My heart, my thoughts, my love and my prayers go out to my friend and her family. I pray that God will provide the comfort that they need to get them through their time of grief.

Blessings!

11 Things for 11 Days

It's been 11 days since my last post...

Sounds kind of like a confession of sorts, except I'm not Catholic and there will be no divulging of my sins...LOL. I thought I would keep the mood light and, at the same time, catch you up on some things that have been happening in my life...not because it has been terribly exciting, but just because I'm in the mood to share.

So, for your reading pleasure, here goes 11 Things for 11 Days:

1. I have fallen in love and memorized almost every song on India.Arie's new album,
Testimony: Vol. 1, Life & Relationship. If you are an India fan, please go get this CD RIGHT. NOW. And don't let the weird forehead painting/tattoo/ashes situation that everyone has been talking about discourage you...she is the same wonderful, spiritual, raw, creative, uplifting, insightful and reflective India. Tracks #5 (Private Party), #6 (There's Hope) and #2 (These Eyes) are my top three favorites...in that order.

2. I sold three more of my necklaces...YAY! And I attended my very first Jewelry Show and got lots of new beads/shells/stones...so stay tuned for more pics!

3. I finished catching up on the first two seasons of Grey's Anatomy...yeah, yeah, yeah...I'm a late bloomer...but better late than never right? The cool thing is unlike most of you, I didn't have to wait a whole week to find out what happens on the next episode...I was able to watch them one right after the other! But anyway....I. ABSOLUTELY. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. THIS. SHOW!!!!! I can relate VERY much to one character in particular (I'll leave you in suspense on that one...LOL). Needless to say, I cannot wait until September when Season Three begins!

4. I got pissy drunk (and when I say pissy I mean "P" to the "I" to the "S-S-Y") with two of my sister-girlfriends this past Saturday night. It is both a blessing and a curse to have a really good rapport with a really great bartender at a really cool spot. The night was full of strong drinks, tasty appetizers, sexy secrets and lots of laughter! There's nothing like a girls night out!

5. Provided that I can rearrange my work schedule, I will be taking erotic dancing/polercize lessons at the end of the month with one of my girlfriends and the members of her book club. So my future "McDreamy" (for my fellow Grey's Anatomy fans...and that is MINUS the spouse) BETTER. GET. READY!!!! LOL!

6. I may have turned someone off by virtue of misinterpreted semantics. This person is someone that I really, really dig and that I hope knows I meant NO HARM at all. But...if for some reason this person doesn't hold our very short lived friendship in the same regard...I, like I commented on someone's blog recently, will keep in mind the following quote: "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

7. Still looking for a full time gig. Still trying not to stay discouraged (because the reality is that in situations like this you DO get discouraged...you just can't wallow in it).

8. I have to meet with my "soon-to-be-ex-husband" tomorrow. We've only seen each other in person for about 3 minutes since I left our apartment back in January. That meeting was weird, but not totally stomach turning. I hope tomorrow's will be just as tolerable. Pray for me y'all.

9. My Mom called me a couple days ago to tell me that she has been having strange chest pains and that she has an appointment to see the cardiologist. I'm praying that there is nothing seriously wrong with her...I just don't think I would be able to handle it. There is a part of me that wants to act like I never got that call...but the other part of me realizes that it's not about me, how I feel or what I can handle...it's about my Mom, how she feels and what she'll be able to handle. I must call her tomorrow to check in.

10. I am a reality show junkie and cannot be happier that "Run's House" and "Making the Band" are back!!! And yes...I am VERY serious! So Thursday night has become my favorite TV night. Pathetic, I know, but HIGHLY entertaining!

11. I actually haven't logged on to Blogger in over three days (which is a long time for me), so needless to say I have missed you all dearly and have to catch up on the "goings on" of your lives. I hope you all are well and that you enjoyed your 4th of July holiday!

That's all folks! Nothing too crazy...nothing too dry and boring...just a little glimpse of what is called "my life".